32 and you will know the truth, and the
truth will set you free. John 8:32
"Why don’t you come right out and say it? Even if the words are probably gonna hurt I’d
rather have the truth than something insincere." -Relient K
The truth is powerful.
It is full of truth. It shapes
what we do and how we interact with people.
Sadly we are directed not by full truth but by our perception of the
truth. Rarely are we given one hundred
percent truth but instead we are given some deviation of the truth which forms
our perceptions. Telling the truth
should be easy and something instinctive to all of us but it does not seem to
come natural all the time. What comes
natural, at least to me, is telling others what they want to hear. I aim to please people. That is my nature. But there is something to be praised about
being one hundred percent truthful. I
have found that my relationships that are built on truth are more solid than
any other type of relationship. My
“true” friendships are the ones that last.
Jesus told everyone exactly who he was and those who could
accept him for who he was were more than his friends, they were his
companion. In John 6 Jesus says, “47 Truly,
truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. 48 I am
the bread of life. 49 Your fathers ate the manna in the
wilderness, and they died. 50 This is the bread that comes down
from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51 I am the
living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will
live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my
flesh….” In response many of his
disciples left but those who knew the truth about Jesus stayed: “66 After this many of his disciples turned back and
no longer walked with him. 67 So Jesus
said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?”
68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom
shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and
we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”
This passage, without knowing Jesus, is extremely difficult
to accept. Jesus is telling His audience
that they need to eat His actual flesh and drink His actual blood in order to
have eternal life. As in everything
Jesus had perfect timing in knowing when to tell the truth. Had Jesus been saying these things at the
beginning of His ministry no one would have followed Him. If He had waited much longer the crowds would
have crowned Him King (because He had just fed the 5000). Jesus knew He was not an earthly king and He
knew that He had to die so He made a statement to see who his real disciples
were. If you notice, in verse 66, the
Bible uses the words “many of his disciples turned back.” The people who turned away were not His
acquaintances but these were men who followed Him regularly.
Luckily for us we don’t have to have Jesus’ perfect timing
because the fate of every soul does not hinge on us revealing the truth about
us to people. But I think we can learn
from Jesus’ authenticity.
The first step is knowing your audience. The relationship between a husband and wife
should be the most transparent of any relationship. After that, relationships with members of the
same gender should move towards complete transparency but relationships with
members of the opposite gender should not.
Opposite gender relationships can stir up too much emotion and it is
never a good idea to tempt ones loyalty to his or her spouse. There are too many chances for “Well she just
gets me better than my wife.” Even if
you are not married developing a “true” relationship with an opposite gender is
still dangerous unless the ultimate goal is marriage. If the goal is not marriage then it can cause
mixed signals and hurt feelings.
The next step is knowing the situation. Relationships should start off slow and if it
continues more and more truth should be added.
Jesus did not start off telling the Twelve to eat His body and drink His
blood but waited for the right moment when he knew the Twelve could handle it. We have to ease into telling the truth and
typically the flow of a relationship will lead to more and more truth being
shared. Finding that balance is
difficult but if it works it will result in gaining a true friend.
This is the way to create lasting friendships. Without
the truth, friends will come and go because humans seem to be able to sense
authenticity. If you only say what
others want to hear you may get lots of “friends” but true friends are only
produced from a truth-filled relationship.
There are many “buts” when it comes to sharing the truth. Many of those “buts” have merit. The number one reason why people do not share
the truth is because they do not want to hurt the other person. I believe there
is a time to try to protect the other person but the longer that a truth is concealed,
the more likely it is that person whom that truth is hidden from will discover
the truth. Or even worse, they will make
up their own version of the truth. I was
recently at a funeral of a young man who died too young and the circumstances
surrounding his death were unclear. His
father stood up in front of 1500 people and told them about how he wanted to
conceal the truth because it did not honor his dead son’s memory. But then he told the crowd that, “The truth
sets the mind free. Without the truth
our minds comes up with their own conclusions.”
When the truth is told it frees the listener and the speaker. The speaker does not need to worry about any
lie being uncovered and the listener does not need to worry about uncovering
any deceit.
What if my friends end up leaving after I tell them the
truth? I would respond with the
question, “Were they a real friend to begin with?” Jesus’ statement separated His true followers
from those who were merely lukewarm followers.
In the same way, someone who cannot accept the truth about you may not
be the type of person that you want to invest in. I know that if everyone cannot accept the
truth about who I am, God still loves me and He will never leave me nor forsake
me. The loneliness will come and go and
friendships shift but there is still that constant in life.
True friends see you for who you are and accept you for
that. I know I have made my fair share
of mistakes when it comes to telling the truth and being a true friend. I would say one thing and then do another,
and I didn’t allow people to see the true me because I was afraid they would
leave if they knew me. Even though I
never shared the truth with them, they still left because they could tell I was
not being open and honest with them. I
now attempt to tell the truth and be open and honest when the time is right. That way if they do leave, I have peace that
I did everything I could to try and create a true friendship; rather than
feeling guilty that I didn’t allow them to see the true “me.”
